queue the Bangles...
Today isn't a bad day, per say. I just had a hard time getting out of bed. I normally pop right up but the last few days have been difficult. That worries me- is my Seasonal Affective Disorder starting to kick my butt again? I use my special lights and take my D3. Am I just tired? Is the radiation finally caught up with me? Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill? Probably a combination of all of those things!
I'm working very hard to not over think things. If you know me, you know I analyze everything. I can't take things for face value. I think everything said has a deeper meaning. I'm getting much better. I over think what people think of me and my actions. I feel like I'm being judged. I don't think the important people in my life truly judge me, but when I'm in one of my moods, I sort of do. Does that make sense? For example: I made a loaf of my banana nut bread today for a friend of mine. Everyone raves about how good it is. This will be the first time she's tasted anything I've made. I forgot to add the vanilla to the recipe. I had a mini freak out! Friends grounded me and reiterated that it's not a big deal. I didn't leave out baking soda or powder. BUT, I want to put my best foot forward and show my friend that I'm a good baker. Will she care that it's missing the vanilla? No. Will she even notice? Probably not. I will still tell her, though. Lol. I am my own worst enemy.
This is a difficult week for me. Thursday is an anniversary of a very bad thing that happened to me. Someone negatively changed my life forever. Seriously ruined my life in many ways. BUT, I'm also a stronger person because of what happened. The incident almost killed me in a few different ways but I'm still here...fighting on. I've met some amazing people because of the incident. I met Karen because of it and for that I am blessed. We had a discussion a week or so ago about how if it wouldn't have happened, we probably wouldn't have met. See, Karen and I met at a Mental Health support group. It's open to the public and a pretty informal group of people. I was there due to my severe anxiety and panic and she was there for her depression and bipolar disorder/disease. Most of my anxiety stemmed from the incident. Either directly or indirectly. I'm not glad the incident happened, but I'm glad I went to that support group. It's kind of fitting and good that we have support group this Wednesday. I get to talk about my feelings if I want to and need to.
Dad and I are spending the day together Thursday by attending the car show in Harrisburg, PA. We missed last year because I was either sick or working or maybe both. We love the car show! Mom and Karen will spend time together by making my Valentine's Day card and going out to eat. A special day all around!
I'm proud of Karen. She's supposed to start back up with her water aerobics this week. We are committed to losing 20 pounds (at least) by July. She met with a new cardiologist and that's what he wants. Should be doable. I do almost all of our cooking and am responsible about what I cook. I don't fry things and we hate salt. When we first got together, Karen used some salt but now the only salt we add is on popcorn and that's only a little. We don't eat many canned foods and we watch out sodium in other foods. I need to stop snacking. You know I'm a junk food fiend. Karen and I can do this together. My mom and dad are fully behind us as well. I think the four of us will start cutting back on our serving sizes.
Okay, I've rambled enough. Please be with me this difficult week. I know I'm being cryptic, but, believe it or not, I don't air all of my dirty laundry on here. Some people know what I'm talking about. If you don't, just know that I need all of the support I can get to get through this week. I know Thursday is just a day but it is a day that forever changed me.
Life is good.
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